A WEDDING INVITATION, WITH DOWRY ITEMISED

Found paper — card, once white, now fen-coloured; the itemisation in a firmer hand than the sentiment.

Mr. & Mrs. TURNIP (the Lower Fen Turnips, not the others) request the pleasure of your dampness at the marriage of their daughter

✷ BLOSSOM TURNIP ✷ to ✷ MASTER HORACE MUTTER ✷ (against the advice of both houses, the parish, and a portrait of his grandmother)

The ceremony to be held at the chapel with the hole in the roof, rain or rain. The couple will exchange the customary insults regarding one another's potatoes; the congregation is asked not to applaud the crueller ones, as it only encourages the fondness.

THE DOWRY, ITEMISED, AS DEMANDED IN WRITING BY THE GROOM'S AUNT: King Edwards, forty (40) sacks, of which two (2) ceremonial and not for eating; one (1) duck, sound of wing, currently under audit, transferred as-is; the good bucket (the GOOD bucket, and the aunt will know); one (1) love-lagoon frontage, southern aspect, flooded, i.e. intact; and the grandmother's ladle, on condition it is never, ever cleaned.

DRESS: dry-ish. FEAST: to follow, pending the duck. RSVP by duck. If the duck does not return, consider yourselves expected.

ON THE BACK, IN PENCIL: Auntie — the audit found FOR the duck. All is well. Come early; the roof-hole seats are the dry ones. — B.